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Changing Can't to Won't

Date: 15 Feb 2010
Member: Skyelar Pollack


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Self improvement is not all about positive thinking. This type of black and white or yin and yang parallel is the root misconception in the holistic world viewpoint.
Self improvement is not all about positive thinking. This type of black and white or yin and yang parallel is the root misconception in the holistic world viewpoint. In many fields of holistic intervention, people are told to embrace their true selves, followed by instructions to suppress supposedly negative feelings and emotions. Inhale the good, exhale the bad. Cleanse yourself and your environment of negativity. Open your mind so that you can close it right up again.

This philosophy is why everyone is trying to change their clients instead of improve them. What's the difference? While improvement is a change and a potentially positive one, the blindly positive attitude disguises the awareness of negative changes experienced by their clients. What negative changes? Disbelief, disengagement, distraction, disillusionment, disingenuousness, etc...

Moving in a positive direction isnt always the best way to travel. In negative experiences there is a depth of knowledge to be learned. Can you remember people who were mean to you? Can you remember people who were nice to you? Which memories do you think impacted your memory more? Neither, because experience is not solely defined by positive or negative, unless we choose to believe that it is. People have a tendency to define and filter experiences to change thought associations and compartmentalize.

If you prescribe to the belief that there is no such thing as cant? You are mistaken... Cant exists; there are many things we cant do. Cant cannot always be turned into Can, but instead Wont. The difference between Cant and Wont is responsibility and acknowledging the awareness of your own capabilities.

I CANT
I DONT WANT TO; desire.
I WONT DO THIS; refusing.
YOU SIMPLY ARENT DOING THIS YET; waiting.
YOU MAY NOT KNOW FOR SURE YOU CAN DO THIS, AND FEEL APPREHENSIVE ABOUT SAYING YOU CAN, BECAUSE YOU DONT WANT TO DISAPPOINT, BE PROVEN WRONG, OR A LIAR IF YOU SHOULD FAIL.
I WANT TO DO THIS, BUT IM AFRAID ILL FAIL; fear.
I DONT REALLY WANT TO DO THIS, SO I WONT.
IM NOT ALLOWED OR PERMITTED.

All of these perspectives are potentially more true than CANT; Although, if someone asks you to solve a math problem and you dont know how to do any of the equations at that moment, you truly cant solve it! You can learn the equations and eventually solve it, but until you do, you cant. I CANT SOLELY MEANS I DONT KNOW THE EQUATIONS TO START SOLVING THE PROBLEM.

Cant is often used as an excuse not to do something, or an explanation of why something didnt work. When hypnotists have trouble getting through to clients, they often resort to cant.

YOU ARENT A GOOD SUBJECT, YOU ARE UN-HYPNOTIZABLE, THEREFORE I CANT HELP YOU Misleading inaccuracy.

I CANT QUIT WITHOUT PILLS, PATCHES, THERAPY, BRAIN SURGERY. Facilitation of inflated will power.

I HAVE AN ADDICTIVE PERSONALITY, I CANT SAY NO. Maybe it was all that positive, "yes-man" oriented suggestion that society bombarded you with your entire life that caused that condition.

As a society we should stop mismanaging our negative thoughts and experiences by distorting our perceptions toward a positive slant. We should instead embrace the breadth of experiences life has to offer, and enjoy our own unique mix of all of the above. We all make choices, constantly, when you take full responsibility for your own choices, CANT can no longer be used as an excuse or scapegoat.

Experiential Indifference - Absolute Acceptance of Self.

Last Updated on 15 Feb 2010

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